About 82 percent of adults admitted
to shy in some point of their lives. Shyness a common trait and not a disorder.
It just means that the child going to take some more time in getting
comfortable in a new situation or bond with new people. Celebrities like Tom
cruise, Julia Robert and Hrithik Roshan admitted to be a shy in their childhood.
Shy kids lack of social skills which projects them as
anxious and awkward. They don’t take a keen interest in group activities and
hence very few friends. Due to lack of enthusiasm in group activities they come
across as snobbish whereas the truth like every other kid they are warm and
compassionate only scared to reveal their true self.
why are some kids shy?
Some say shyness a
genetic trait and some say it’s a learned reaction. It’s a combination of both.
In a recent study conducted its found that only 9 percent of the kids are shy
and introvert in almost all conditions. For the majority of them the degree of
shyness depends on the situation they are put in.
How to know if your
child is shy?
If your child is little anxious with new situations, in meeting new
people, reluctant to play in a group, you are a parent of a shy kid. Well it’s
nothing to worry about.”There are three things we look for with shyness,” says
Barbara Markway, PhD, author of Nurturing the Shy Child (St.
Martin’s). “There’s behaviour — avoiding eye contact, turning the head away, or
hiding behind the mother. There physical manifestations of anxiety — heart racing,
blushing, or crying or thrashing about for a baby. And finally, there are
thoughts and feelings. Older kids say things like, ‘Everyone’s staring at me’
or ‘I don’t know what to say.’ It doesn’t go away either. It’s an enduring,
recurring thing.”Another marker for shy kids is that they are usually the best
behaved of the lot as what others think of them matters a lot to them.
role of a parent
The parent of a shy
child has to strike the perfect balance between accepting their children and
encouraging them to be more accepting of other people and situations. “The ideas
not to eliminate shyness but to help the child work within her own personality
to do the things she wants to do,” Mark way says.
Here are a few
everyday activities that the parents and teachers can use to help the children flop
social skill –
·
Practice introductions- the toughest part for a shy kid is to start a
conversation. Make them practise introductions so that they have an instant ice
breaker. Parents can set up a good example for kids by greeting people around
them and introducing themselves. “Hello my name is – pleasure to meet you.”
This will be perfect way to kill the demon that social conversations are in the
head of a child and also add to their list of good manners.
·
Positive Role play- shy kids usually have an over active imagination and
they end up imagining the worst case scenario possible for every new situation.
Communicating with them and telling them the possible positive outcomes will
soothe the anxious them and keep their fears at bay.
·
·
Tell them about yourselves- for children, parents are can do nothing
wrong. Telling them about your life instances and how you dealt with them is an
excellent way to bond with them and boost their morale without being preachy.
·
·
Be empathetic- a shy kid usually a fear of rejection and hence hides
their true emotions. Being empathetic to them make them feel accepted and
understood. If they feel anxious before going to a new class or meeting new
people, tell them that you understand how tough it is for them. This will also
make it easier for them to understand and express their emotions.
·
·
Remove labels- calling a kid “shy” over and over again makes them adopt
that role. They make this label a part of their identity. When someone calls
them “shy”, try and negate that label by saying “kids usually take time to open
up.” When someone asks them a question and you see them struggling with answer,
prompt them the answer. This will not cause a dent in their confidence till
they develop their social skills.
·
·
Practice what you preach- children learn the most from their parents.
Parents who themselves don’t like talking to strangers, calling people over see
their kids mirroring the same behaviour. Parents try and set up a model of
outgoing behaviour. Greet people’s grocery stores, talk to neighbours, and
interact with kids if your child feels shy. This eases them into social
settings and helps them mingle.
·
Appreciation- the best way to motivate a kid by rewarding them with
words, treats, anything they love. Even if it’s a small achievement like
telling the guests who come over home his name; tell them you are proud of him
and how good he doing. This give his confidence a much needed boost and also
make them feel accepted.
·
Connect with emotions- shy kids a tough time understanding and
expressing their emotions. One way to help them understand emotions by talking
about it. Now“I feel happy when you smile” or “I miss you when you not around”.
Eventually the child also going to learn the art of expressing their feelings
and emotions.
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